Thoughts on being a mormon missionary: It kind of sets you up for the thrill of rebellion. The rules are set so strict that even simply crossing the street (if that street happens to be your area boundaries - or even better, your mission boundaries) gets your heart really pumping. Stay outside past 9:30, or out of your bed past 10:30, and you're a rebel. Getting a hug from an attractive member of the opposite sex, or even just stepping inside their apartment, sends you reeling in Twilight-esque "forbidden love" emotions. And the extremity of the rules, especially with a black/white focus on 100% obedience, simply set you up for failure. Fun conversations today with some of my prison mates (er, missionary buddies) got me thinking about the negative effects of that 18-month choice I made.
There are 22 comments on it. A couple of the first two were from people who are still very active in the LDS church, and they both used the word "opposite" in their comments. One said "I believe missions can have very opposite effects." The other said "...not my experience at all. In fact, just the opposite." The word opposite seems to really emphasize my point about a black/white focus. After those, I posted the following comment:
Hey, just to clarify: I'm not saying that I hated the mission when I was there. I could have left if I felt that way, and I certainly didn't. I felt like I should be there and I felt like I was doing good. But one thing that isn't often given space for discussion, or even given space for thought inside one's own head, is the possible negative psychological effects of serving a mission. For every thing you do, there are likely negatives and positives. I'm just reflecting on the negative effects that I recognize, so that I can acknowledge them, then hopefully let them go and grow from them
I thought it might be helpful to have a blog where those of us who served in "the Lord's Vineyard" (the California Fresno Mission) can share our stories and our perspectives. I hope that these stories can be different than the "faith-promoting stories" typically heard at church and different than typical "mormon bashing". I hope they can be an honest reflection of both the positives and negatives of serving an LDS mission. I'm choosing to focus on my own stories as well as the stories of missionaries I knew and served with. Hopefully, several people will share their stories with me to post here as well. Even for those who choose not to share stories, I hope that this blog will provide a safe space for you to reflect on your experiences in the mission field and their impact on your lives.
Oh - and "Tales From The Vineyard"? It is reminiscent of Tales from the Crypt. I thought of it early this morning while still half asleep after having another missionary dream last night. Hopefully this blog won't be quite as creepy as the original.
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